Child Psychology and Modern Parenting Methods ( Part 2 ):
Well, the previous one was a bit more informative than
this one. I am going to make this one a short story blog. I definitely want to
share some real life stories, which we are facing in our everyday lives. We all
can relate such stories more or less with our lives.
Okay then!! Let’s have a journey to this four basic
types where I gave some examples relating to them.
These are the basic four types of parenting styles:
- Authoritarian or Disciplinarian: this
parenting style is a bit older than the other ones and very much
controversial for these days. This style is formalized by high demands and
low responsiveness. This type of parents has high amount of expectations
and they provide very low in return. They are pretty much distant mentally
from their kids and push harsh punishments onto the children, even for
minor mistakes.
Though,
I am not very much familiar with this type as my parents were very friendly.
But I have seen this kind of parents of my close ones. I can discuss about
numerous examples but, don’t want to. Because, this type is the most common
type of “Parenting” in “South Asian” continent.
I
remember, one day, one of my closest junior knocked me crying. I asked him if
anything was wrong. He clearly answered, “sis, my parents want me to get a
chance on a public medical and they are pressurizing me to break up with my
girlfriend. They asked me to get married with the girl they chose. I can’t
tolerate anymore”. After a few months, he gave the examinations and failed on
the medical admission test. But he got place in the Arts unit of a top public
university. After few more days, I got the news that he committed suicide.
No
wonder why he did so; if I am not wrong, it seems a murder to me. Every parent wants
the best for their children. but they aren’t ready to admit that, there might
be gaps or mistakes on their parenting and they should learn about child
psychology and parenting too.
- Permissive or Indulgent:
this
parenting style is just the opposite of Authoritarian style
and more likely to be the more positive one. This parenting style is very
good method of parenting, but yet, a well-balanced method is needed. The
dark side of this type is, these parents might give freedom but having
lower demand can tend to make their kids unambitious, egoistic and
impulsive.
Now,
coming to the point; Permissive or Indulgent parenting refers to be low
demanding and high responsive parenting. This parents are very loving, easy
going and liberal to their children. they set a few rules and provide enough
mental and other supports. My parents can be a good example of this type.
Till
my college life, my parents used to control me very well and never let me be an
Arbitrary. But right after my admission test ended, they started being very low
demanding though I got admitted into a top public university and I was well
qualified, also an all-rounder (pardon me for bragging about myself). Whatever
I do, whatever my result is, no matter how many time I fail, have break downs
in my university life, they are always proud of me, happy for me, they support
me mentally and comfort me when it’s needed.
When
I asked my mom about it she replied, “we were bound to control you for a
certain time. On that time period or adolescent period, kids are most likely to
make 90% of the major mistakes of their lives. Our duty was to balance our
parenting and behavior, which we successfully did. Now you are already very
ambitious and grown up enough to find your own way out. If you make mistakes,
you can understand and solve it all by yourself. Most importantly, we believe
in you”.
- Uninvolved: this parenting
style prefers neglecting their children’s basic needs. They are the lowest
in responsiveness. They don’t have the time and mentality to invest their
time on their kids. Either this parents are self-centered and careless or
very busy in their lives for their jobs, making money, managing household
chores or other things. They can’t connect with their child easily.
Let
me share a story with you. There is a family friend of mine who is a business
tycoon. Both of them are actually; she and her husband. They are very rich and used
to shower their only 3-year old child with costly foods and accessories. But
they hardly had time for their him. There was a nanny who used to take care of
him.
After
about three months, when the mother was on a sick leave for two weeks, she
noticed that her son didn’t talk a bit, he became very skinny, stayed in his
room all day long, and got panicked if he would hear a normal sound. She
immediately took him to a doctor and the doctor asked them to monitor him 24/7
along with the nanny because, the doctor diagnosed some abnormality and the kid
wasn’t mentally stable.
She
set some CCTV cameras in the house and the nanny turned out to be the culprit.
She used to eat his foods, beat him for no reason, steal his things and punish
him for no mistakes. Then she realized what mistake she made and started taking
care of her son all by herself. It wasn’t too late for her son. But there is a
numerous example I can give where a lot of little lives fell apart because of
this neglecting behavior.
- Authoritative: this parenting
style is one of the best and well balanced parenting style ever. This
style refers to have high demand and high responsiveness towards the
children. these parents are very friendly, close to their kids and have
high expectations. High expectations make their children highly ambitious.
But the dark side is, they might forget the limit of their children and
unconsciously the children become greedy or hopeless when they fail if the
parents don’t set a limit.
Again
my parents are very good examples for this type so far. My father always used
to say, “it’s good to give your child enough Freedom to learn by himself, but
don’t make him Arbitrary to disobey you and ruin himself.” I do agree with him
and this is how my father raised me.
I
remember, I used to share every single thing of my life with my parents. when I
had my first crush, my first boyfriend, my first achievement, my first break up
and crying overnight. I still promised my dad that if I wanted to smoke ever,
watch porn, drink alcohol, whatever “Sin” (stereotypically) it is, I had to
have it first with him and mom or dare not to try ever. Otherwise, he would
punish me. My mom and dad set a limit for me on every single thing and they
never asked me to study in my whole life. I was so obsessed with my study,
winning and my ambitions.
This
is why, I learned not to make mistakes for a certain age and they were always
very proud of me. Why not?? They taught me to be a good person and human being
first. Authoritative parenting allows the Parents to raise a very polite,
understanding, good hearted kids and kids with an amazing and liberal
mentality.
Which one you prefer and support the most among all of these?? I really want you to share your thoughts and opinions through the comments. I would love to learn more from you. After all, we all have different thoughts, different believes, different styles and different stories or backgrounds!! Every type has both the negative and positive sides.
If I am not wrong, a good
parent will always prefer a perfect mixture of all these four. Even, my
examples show that, every type is required to be mixed up in different amount
for different ages. In the previous blog, I wrote about 10 different styles and
I believe, combination of them are also can be a good parenting style.
References:
connect.panda.bd@gmail.com
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteIf I compare my parents style with the styles you described, I can say they did all those parenting but at a different stage. My whole school life was disciplinarian style but in college it was something between disciplinarian and permissive style. After I got admission in university they gave me the independence I cherished all those years but in a balanced way and became very friendly. Even now I talk with my mother like best friends. But the uninvolved parenting style I never felt from them and knowing some parents are being like that make me feel so much thankful towards my parents.
ReplyDeleteSo judging my parents parenting style it was well balanced just like you said about authoritative parenting style.